If you’re just patient enough, a few months can change everything

A lot can change if you give it time.

Seven months ago, I stood on a beach in Mexico, looking out onto the vast ocean. I remember wanting to feel hopeful after enduring flare-up after flare-up of neuromyelitis optica spectrum disorder (NMOSD), and yet also wondering if it’d just be easier to be consumed by the deep, dark waves. I was about to start a new job, and I decided I’d rather be determined, take on the challenge, and fight through my existence with NMOSD.

A few months later, I could barely walk. Another flare-up had taken over my body, yet I fought through important meetings, exhausted but determined to pretend everything was fine. Each step felt like a test. I’d come home from work, collapse in my bed, and wonder how I was going to pull off another day like that day. The next morning, I’d fight through those dark thoughts, the ones filled with doubt, and I’d find the courage to try it again.

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What I realize now is that it’s easier to find that inner strength when you’re happy, when your life has purpose.

Today I’m walking fine. No mobility aids. No painful spasms. Considering the state of my body only a few months ago, my recovery is nothing short of miraculous. Yet despite that recovery, I can still find myself frustrated by my lack of patience. I’m impatient with patience — an absurd thought, but also my reality. Life’s irony isn’t lost on me. You can feel like you’re finally getting your footing, literally and metaphorically, only to be swept into a different storm.

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This time, the unpredictability isn’t physical, it’s professional. But after everything I’ve weathered, I know I’m capable of starting over, again. I just hate waiting.

There are other things that shift with time, too. Like weight. For those of us with NMOSD, weight isn’t just a vanity metric; it’s often tied to medications, inflammation, mobility, and emotional exhaustion. Some months my body balloons and bloats; others I lose weight without trying. At present, I’m overweight and uncomfortable in my body, but I know it’s a result of almost a year of steroids, a switch in treatment plans, and poor sleep.

So what can change if I just give it enough time, if I’m just patient? Apparently, everything. Or nothing. Or something in between.

That’s the question that keeps echoing in my mind: What will I accomplish in the next six months? Will I be living in the same reality I’m in now, this strange mix of recovery and restlessness, or will I have moved forward? Grown stronger? Found steadiness? Found another job? Found something else that makes me happy again? Or will I be navigating yet another flare, adjusting to new symptoms, finding new ways to adapt?

I can’t predict what’s next, but I’ve learned to hold hope in one hand and reality in the other. To honor my progress, no matter how slow, or even fast. To allow joy when it shows up. To celebrate that I can walk, even if I don’t know how long it’ll last. To admit that being patient drives me crazy, but I’m working on it. I’m always a work in progress.

Six months is long enough to fall apart, rebuild, and rise again. And I know, because I’ve done it.

So to anyone reading this column, what do you want to accomplish in the next six months? What will your reality be? Because if my story proves anything, it’s that no matter how stuck things feel today, change is always possible. Sometimes even miraculous.

Note: Neuromyelitis News is strictly a news and information website about the disease. It does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health providers with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Never disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read on this website. The opinions expressed in this column are not those of Neuromyelitis News or its parent company, Bionews, and are intended to spark discussion about issues pertaining to neuromyelitis optica spectrum disorder.